Saturday, February 26, 2011

I am really really scared and angry at the same time...everytime my phone rings I get sick to my stomach that it could be another company informing me of the recent activity on my identity case. I hate this feeling!I did not do anything to deserve this.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

So, really, why is it that when you're trying to do everything right, somehow things go wrong? On top of whatever I'm dealing in my life, now, my identity has been stolen and apparently, using my credit card and opening new one....I've been so good at safeguarding my personal info, never lost cards or id's, shredding anything that has my name & info, why me? And the sad part, I can't even find comfort on my so called husband because I have to repeat every single detail of what's going on whenever the subject comes up, well it's not just this subject, it's pretty much everything in our daily lives for the last few years now. Ohh, that's right! I am cursed!!!! dow do you break a curse????? I'm tired....and weary....

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I hate my life...wait...-i think I hate me...maybe that's it!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I wonder what it's to sleep in a nice & quiet, clean fresh bed, no unwanted smells, unwanted noise, just the way you want it to be....wonder what it's like to come home to a clean and organized place, just like the way you left it in the morning rush, just the way you you want it...I think I just really want to sleep & rest peacefully...maybe I was really meant to be alone with a child....oh how much I wish to be alone....

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

What do I really feel? I feel so many things, yet so empty...I feel I miss someone or somebody, yet I don't know who...want to do so many things, but don't know what...
where oh where do I begin? Only one thing for sure.... is that I'm glad I have a daughter, without her, I'd be nobody...a waste of space on earth..

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Meet with a friend today, haven't seen her in ages, say, 8 or 9 years? It was fun, very nice change for me, made me realize how much I've missed in life, I've been out of touch in everything aspect of life...she too had a lot of changes in life...but I think she's stronger than me in every way...she knows what she wants and put in into action, me, on the other hand, always worried about what it would do to the other person if I do it, do not want to hurt or dissatisfy anyone, guess I'll always be stuck in my own circle...what do I really want anyway?

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

How does it feel like, after an all day's work, to come home and just sit for a moment and breathe freely? What is it like to feel taken care of, safe & protected by your spouse? I wish...I wish...I wish upon a star.....

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I wonder what it feels like to have a normal life? How do you tell someone you can't stand it being around them, but you care enough to stay? not for your own benefits, but for their own well being? when do you know it's enough? maybe when your heart just stops? Is it normal to dislike someone so much it irritates you to hear their sound? or smell? or presence? I love my daughter so much I can't risk anything...I wonder if I have humanity left in me...why do I have all these feelings?

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Superbowl Sunday today! I was hoping he'd be busy watching it, but oh no, he was busy ruining our day! All I want is to take my girl practice driving then go to the mall, but he wants to tag along with us not even knowing what or where he wants!why can't we do our things separate ways? and plan to do things that we can do together without pissing each other off? yup, day didn't go well at all....what a waste of a beautiful day.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Got a lot done today! redoing the front plant & flowers, raked the leaves in the backyard,did a load of laundry, I even got to snake the shower drain, & got everything in order! yipee!!! I got to be a gardener & plumber today! now, time to sort the bills & figure out if we have enough to even pay them...

Thursday, February 3, 2011

I'm actually pleased today, why? because my long lost brother who I haven't seen in about 17 years, and haven't heard in about 5 years, just added me as a friend on his facebook!!!! he facebooked me & found me!!! he had better luck than I did when I was trying to find him...I miss him...and my other brothers, some I haven't seen over 20 years...if only I'd win lottery, first thing I would do is gather all of them & save them from suffering their poverty lives...oh, & yes, my mother too..I guess.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Today was A-okay...no particular complains, except just cold & windy, but's it's okay...

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

So, my usual 10 minute drive to work today took me almost an hour...way to start the day! So looking forward to end the day, then I get home, and this is what I come home to, my husband, with his tv remote on hand, welcoming me, & this is how it goes:

him: sooo, you're home. by the way, I noticed that our shower seems
to be backed up again, just so you know.

me: alright, maybe this weekend I can get my snake to clean it up.

Yup! I get to be a plumber sometimes too, after playing electrician just a night before...