I want to come home with a tidy place, not scattered, dirty and smelly. I want to sleep in a bed with white, soft and comfy sheets,sleep at night without blocking my ears, or sometimes face, oh how I don't like sharing it, I want my own scent and nobody else. I want to use a bathroom that is clean & not smelling like a public restroom, or one that I don't have to flush first because it hasn't been flushed all day. I want to just lay & relax after all day's work, not to worry of who hasn't had dinner yet or pick up stuff all over. Don't get me wrong though, i don't mind slaving myself for my child, she's all the reason I have stayed in this world, and I love every moment I have with her....it's the other party I have a hard time with...maybe I can't handle a crowd over two? my worst fear is....what if I have to do this for the next 20 years of my life? have I been really that bad to be punished this way? Ohhh... what to do, what to do....

I now believe I was supposed to be alone....- feel at ease and comfortable being alone... !But I do luv my baby girl:) I guess I just wanted a child, not a husband:( I dont want anyone in my bed, Ifeel disgusting in every possible way of my ownself:(